Broadcasted Brainwork

=)

2010-03-16T03:56:00.000-07:00

So many things running through my mind... so many thoughts & worries. Yet, right now, i can honestly say that I am extremely happy with where I am in my life. With how I've grown in Christ and with how I've grown as an individual. Life is good! Positivity in times of trouble is definitely the way to go :)

Its surprising how things have changed over the past two years. Two years ago i was in such a down place that looking back on it, it shocks me that i even let myself get to that point wer i felt i had no hope... no chance for happiness! Thankfully I'm out of that 'phase'. I cant say I'm fully over what happened, seeing someone get murdered will forever be on my 'something-i-wish-to-forget' list but at the same time it made me stronger. I havent forgotten it but i ve chosen to let it go. Cause life really is about choices.

Yesterday the Lenten Talks were great! They were about 'Hurts and Past Experiences' and if there's one thing that the priest said which rly touched me it was:
"the hurts dont go away... its just that we choose to not be victims to that hurt anymore" and its rly true. we could face life with a dreary attitude and simply remain in the past or we can choose to move forward... to learn from our experiences. To be happy and love life.

CANADIAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANS!

We met these awesome canadians on saturday :) They're in Malta with LifeForce missions. quite cool and on sat they came to y4j after meeting sam at uni! Really enjoyed speaking to them on sat night! their love of Christ really inspired me and I'm already anticipating missing them when they leave! there are 11 of them in Malta but we only met Mel, KJ, Keegan and Nathan till now and Mel, KJ and Keegan came to the lenten talks last night and should be coming tonight too so yay XD

Mocks start next week... failing is not an option and nor is missing lenten talks so i'll be up studying late. what funnn -.- but i shaaall manage! yes yes =) wrote an essay on the liver this morning. I love studying bio... it just makes me notice how great God is even more since we re so complex and have such a complicated system. Learning all the bio topics by heart shall commence!

Back to the books and studies :)

Prayers for this week to continue being marvellous needed :)

much loveeeeee

Oh Positivity keep me saaane :)

2010-03-09T12:32:00.000-08:00

Ever get the feeling that although u keep trying and pushing you're not getting anywhere with your studies? I've got 6 months till English a level, 11 weeks till summer, 8 weeks till a levels, 2 weeks till mocks... meh...

although its struck me before today just how much i need to study in order to get good grades... I've hardly ever been motivated to study and my best studying hours usually happen really late when the house is ultra quiet... when there s no one to distract apart from my own thoughts. studying then happens till around half 1 (or 3 once xD) but then i feel bad... knowing that the next day I'll have to wake up at 6 30 and get ready for school and do it all over again...

my routine for the next few days is going to be hectic i ve decided... 2nite ill stay up till 4 if i manage xD *go caffieneeee* 2morrow till 3 and den on Thursday till half 1- 2... so if anyones awake at those times msgs of encouragement will be greatly appreciated haha

issa naraw if i even manage...

" Encourage the people who are afraid. Help those who are weak. Be patient with everyone. Be sure that no one pays back wrong for wrong, but always try to do what is good for each other and for all people. Always be joyful. pray continually, and give thanks whatever happens. That is what God wants for you in Jesus Christ. Do not hold back the work of the Holy Spirit. Do not treat prophecy as if it were unimportant. but test everything. keep what is good, and stay away from everything that is evil"

1 Thessalonians 5:14-22

I quite like this quote :) I think encouragement is one of the greatest gifts on the face of the earth. Lettting someone know that you care even when u barely know them... being a good friend to someone that needs that extra 'well done'... messaging someone. XD (got a very random msg from mina today... t made me smile during a chemistry lesson when i was reading my booook )

i swear today i found myself walking in the rain smiling and humming cause of amusing messages from Kai xD i had been attempting to be positive seeing as my chem pract mock went badly- stupid calculations. then maths finished latee so i missed the school van and it was raining. the buses had all left. called my madre who had left her phone at home and decided to attempt walking home from naxxar XD haha thank god my mum arrived home, saw my call and came for meeee :) only had to walk to the vodafone shop so very good yes :)

alsooo rly wanted to go the lenten talks at uni but silly A Levels (and the fact that i dont drive so cudnt drive my self home ) constricted me to coming home after bio private lessons. heard they were rly gd yest :) in my praaayers

ah bah bah bah bah

2morrow i shall go take passport photos and go and apply at agendaaaa =) what fun! i hope i do get employed there! hoping to be employed either at the one of Topline or the one of mater dei (simply to say i worked in the hospital) haha

re-reading a really good book atm- A Thousand Splendid Suns by Khaled Hosseini (He also wrote the Kite Runner)
Its absolutely heartbreaking and such a gripping story... read 396 pages today =) just 20 pages to go so i'll finish it 2night :) Dn't you think that reading is so much more appealing than studying? i could read for hours and not get bored yet when it comes to studying it simply takes me an hour to be fed up and aching to do something else

Ah well the beauty of growing up...

signing out with a panicked mentality.

Inspiration

2010-03-05T09:35:00.000-08:00

Have you ever woken up at half 6 in the morning thinking of the introduction to an English essay? That happened to me this morning... instead of going back to sleep, i pulled out my file paper and started to write...

Le Essay

Sealing the envelope, I hoped I had not been too arrogant... too straightforward or insensitive with my questions. Who was I, after all, to understand what he had gone through to cause such a drastic ending.

I cannot remember the first time I met Jake. Our parents had been friends till I was around thirteen years of age. Quarrels and the inability to forgive and forget caused them to fall out. You would think that adults should know better the to hold grudges. I wish that had been the case... that they had attempted, and managed, to salvage their friendship. Maybe things wouldn't be this way.

Thankfully, our parents were not childish enough to ban us from talking to each other. Now, knowing what I know and how helpless I was, I wish they had. A few months after our parents had fought, Jake came to school bearing a black eye. His response to all our questions was that he had fallen down the stairs. He claimed to have suddenly become extremely clumsy and the bruises kept reappearing... each time with a different story. Thinking back on it now, I should have read the signs... I saw the sorrow in his eyes every morning at school but I simply thought, or hoped, that it was my imagination.

Jake was not a shy person however refused to play sports. He knew that he would get into trouble but used to tell me that it was more appropriate that way. I should have questioned him further, forced him to tell me the truth about why he didn't want to change in front of others. Instead I chose to be cowardly... to ignore the warning signs which screamed 'ABUSE' at me. I chose to live in my own fairyland where bruises and clumsiness were a way of life... everyone did.

The turning point, for my disbelief in what is a reality for some unfortunate people, came when Jake didn't come to school for four consecutive days. I decided to take his homework over and check up on him. The woman that opened the door looked familiar but in a strange way. As i was about to turn away I realised that it was his mother, whose face was once full of joy, staring back at me. How could she have changed so much in two years? How had she lost that twinkle in her eyes and that youthful shine? Looking closer, I noticed the yellowing bruise around her eye and cuts on her lip. As i stood dumbstruck, she explained to me that Jake had gotten his clumsiness from her and told me not to worry about him. He was fine... he simply had a bad cold she said.

Running home I tried to think of a way to make my parents believe that their old friend, Jake's father, was abusive. Having already told them about Jake's bruises and my suspicions they believed me and promised we would go round the next morning. We should have gone straight away... waiting should not have been an option. Yet we did and I'll regret that decision till the day I die.

The next morning, I was awoken by the shriek of my mother. Racing downstairs, I stood in awe as i watched the news:

"Mr and Mrs Rodriguez found dead. Son, Jake, suspected to have killed his father. Mrs Rodriguez was found beaten to a pulp in the bedroom. Mr Rodriguez found stabbed to death. Police suspect that while Mr Rodriguez murdered his wife before being killed himself."

I felt numb. My poor decision to act against my instincts had proved to be awry. Two people were dead and as the tears rolled down my cheeks I fell to the ground thinking of the 'what ifs'... thinking of how much suffering Jake must have gone through for him to do this.

Posting the letter, I wondered whether I should called instead or gone to visit him. Yet, it was done... I couldn't face him. I couldn't change my choice of how to go around this, just like he couldn't change his faith. Imprisonment.

Oh how I enjoy being creative XD

Today was a good day :) woke up ultra early in Bettina's bedroom... wrote the essay... got dressed, had breakfast and went to uni :) Got lost for the first time at Uni. Twas quite amusing seeing as I was simply going from the library to chaplaincy (and thats basically in view of the library) so thank God i ran into an old friend of mine who explained the way :)

Study study study... oh the joys of organic chemistry! *tries to stay positive* i shall remember everything :) yes yes yes XD I AM INTELLIGENT (this isnt me boasting it s me attempting to be positive and encourage myself haha) You CAN do this... you CAN! We all can :)

ahhh uni was great today! i absolutely cant wait to start in september. i felt completely at home in a new place. Studying in the library alone, studying in room 101 with mina, studying on the picnic table with zoe, paula and lainey :) ace! Some people say that 6th form is the best time of your life but seeing as for me 6th form wasnt spent with my closest friends... i believe that Uni will be and i want to try to make that happen :)

Also I'd like to thank bettina for an awesome 'study' night XD and Elaaaaaine for listening to me complain about the same thing over and over again =) its good to know that although i complain to her a lot she s still there :) anddd i can't wait to live with you for 6 months :P

going to watch alice in wonderland tonightttt :) quite excited!

Signing out with much loveeee

be positive and SMILEEEEE

That of Walks, Talks and paranoia

2010-03-03T12:45:00.000-08:00

Hello =)

Ended up studying till 3am last night... felt a tad guilty for not doing anything ultra productive during the day. Woke up and opted for staying home to study instead of going to school & had quite a productive day study wise *Feels proud* . At the moment, i'm simply going for the sake of receiving stipend since lessons are pointless and studying is more important :)

Went for a walk with Elaine this evening :) met at half 7 and i got home by 9.15. Note to self- always take tissues when going walking XD As soon as i left the house i noticed that i had the 'sniffles' and ended up buying a packet of tissues before meeting elaine (who was sat at a bus stop looking at herself in the glass XD) Twas quite amusing. we ended up near tigne swings chatting away as usual... attempted *and failed* making a video of ourselves 'exercising'; found our bench; and laughed lots.

Why paranoia you may ask? For all those who know me in the slightest way will know how absolutely paranoid i am. I've noticed that when i walk, i usually walk in the middle of the road so that (for example in my street) I'm not too close to the cars and not too close to the bushes- just in case someone had to pop out. I also walk around big white vans avoiding the doors. Simply being cautious of whats out there I guess... You may call it crazy, i choose to call it being careful XD

This morning my aunt's status was:

May God keep our daughters safe. RIP Chelsea King.

Being curious i looked her up on facebook and found a few pages of 'Missing Person Help' Groups. My aunt lives in SAN Diego so i'm guessing she might have known her. Basically Chelsea King went out for a routine run after school on the 25th of Feb and was found dead a few days ago. The suspect is currently being held in custody and is a sex offender that was given 6 years in prison instead of the recommended 11 years by the psychiatrist. Goh... stupid over crowding in prisons.

She was 17 years old. 17! As old as I am. My heart honestly goes out to her family and friends. I can only imagine the pain they must be feeling. It just makes you think about how life can be here one day and be gone tomorrow with no warning whatsoever. I don't even want to think about this happening to someone i knew... not having the chance the say bye, to tell them how much you appreciate their friendship, to compliment them, to let them know that you care about them and love them =/

So my mission to all those who read my blog: appreciate your friends and family. Let them know how much you care about them, encourage them when they do something inspiring, compliment them when they're talented, be their strength of tower even when you barely have the strength to hold yourself up. Last but not least, enjoy life :) SMILE! We were given the ability to smile and to make someone else smile... be that person that 'made her day' =)

if you have any free time visit www.givesmehope.com - it honestly gives me hope =)

much loveeeee

Drea

1st Blog

2010-03-02T14:16:00.000-08:00

Hey, yeah I too have decided to blog.. I actually decided this afternoon, when i realised that i have loads of thoughts running through my mind and i quite enjoy typing them out and getting them off my chest :)

I roped in Achie, Bett and Rob to help me choose a title... spent around half an hour trying to think of one and after deliberation i decided on this title for my blog simply cause its the most unique and amusing *thank youu bett XD*

So, last night Bettina asked me two questions for this survey she's doing for her own nerdy self which were "how have you gotten to where you are?" and "what are you living for?" and it rly got me thinking. i guess i've personally gotten to where i am in life through mistakes that i've made and chances i've taken. Choosing the right A levels the first time (English and Philosophy), changing my mind... moving schools... changing my mind again and having to stick with the A Levels i currently have- Bio and chem (which for all those who have them know that they re not so simple XD) On the whole I don't regret changing because its made me who I am. I'm also sitting for my English A Level this september. have no chance whatsoever of passing the May examination so shall studyy as much as i can to ace it in the resit :)

"what are YOU living for?"

Although my answer should be God, and on a certain level it is, I mostly live for my future. For the new things that God will throw my way... for the new friends I'll make... for the old friends I'll watch walk down the aisle... for the knowledge of knowing that a living person is growing inside me *yes i like to dream about the future xD* I'm curious to know about what we're all going to be like in ten years time... to know about whether or not my decision to become a primary education teacher was the right one in the long run. I'm quite sure I'll love it. Working with kids has been on my heart for years now so all should turn out ok and I'm quite excited for Uni :)

i read a few posts of my old blog before i started this one and noticed how much i used to complain *slaps* I'm trying to have more of an optimistic view on life. I actually went to private lessons thinking "Yesss all's good and this will not be boring".. spent 45 minutes in maths then left to walk from near JB stores to near the Vodafone shop *to get to bio pl* and i think i was smiling the whole way. Was listening to "She's no You" of Jesse Mccartney and as he sang the lyric: "only one" a car with that same number plate passed by. If any body had seen me at that point they would have been highly amused XD walking into biology private lessons i felt alive and alert -15 minutes later i had completely zoned out of the lesson, felt bad and tried to zone back in XD*

My immune system keeps sending warning signs of an approaching sickness. I've been feeling sick and then better and then sick and then better all day so i think i should go sleep =)

i hopeee i haven't bored you all and hopefully my blogs will get more interesting over time XD

signing out with love

Drea